Done Pretending- and Everything will change. ..why I create the tears in the death of what was, and birth of what is.

I often use my blog for educational purposes. Educating others in what has served me, what I feel I can share to support your vision in any way possible. Vulnerability is something I have been actively practicing to overcome, but Im not here to tell you that am I? Nope, the truth is I just crave honesty, from me– to me. Ironically with this struggle in allowing others to see me in a vulnerable state I happen to be an incredibly open individual, I experience myself in the most honest state when I share myself with others. So, heres whats been on my mind and why in the evenings at times I may cry- while feeling an empowered song holding my hands in the face of change, and the option to risk everything Ive known- for everything I am.

I cry because I am greater than the fears that may surface in the midst of my epiphanies.

I cry because I am shedding the very last bit of skin Ive held onto for twenty seven years- and jumping into the frame of someone Ive never experienced before.

I cry because after dedicating myself to every career I cared for it all falls back to my writing- the one love I ran from for so long.

I cry because sometimes its still hard to believe that my novel is changing my entire life- bringing what I once saw as dreams far away right to my door step.

I cry because I miss my family- and question how far I ran until I stopped recognizing who they were.

I cry because I am proud and yet petrified of how brave I have become- like seriously wtf is this crazy girl in me up to next? The world is literally hers and Im barely catching up!

I cry because Im done pretending to have it all figured out, and being open to others seeing me for who I am- a pretty amazing human who also falls every so often- but damn she knows how to rise the fuck up.

I cry because while raising my standards and setting my intention clearly for what I want in a partner, I find myself alone at night saying no to every man that comes my way- because they are just not..him.

I cry because the idea of belonging anywhere petrifies me and in the world I was raised in thats not entirely accepted- Im not a gypsy I just dont want to sit still!

I cry because I want my mother to stop worrying about me and see what I see.- shes too damn good for her own sake

I cry because I choose to be a daughter, friend, and ear to some that Im aware dont fully serve me.

In contrary to popular belief theres nothing wrong with crying ❤ sometimes we get to die before coming back to a new chapter. Kill that shit, let it go, and come back to us ❤

 

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